Sunday, June 2, 2013

Creativity, Pain and Possibility


Last Thursday I began a journey.  I had a surgery called a discogram. Without anesthesia they made a small incision in my lower back. They then inserted long needles into and around the discs of my spine from L2 through the L5SI  joint.  I begged for mercy between F bombs. The pain was intense and torturous. Thank god it was also brief.  At one point, I believe just from the pain, I stopped breathing.

The silver lining?

The mere fact that they were able to replicate my significant pain meant we could proceed with the fusing of my back in a later surgery. It is a very strange thing when good news comes in the form of pain. After the surgery they injected lidocaine into my discs and nerves. I had two glorious pain free hours!!!!

So of course my husband and I used the time to try a new lunch spot. The Carnitas Shack in San Diego- it was amazing. I had carnitas tacos and two chocolate bacon whiskey truffles. I swear I heard angels sing.  

There is a point to this story. One moment life is pain filled and miserable and the next is chocolate bacon whiskey bliss. It would be so easy to miss the bliss. I could have just gone home to bed but I would have missed the bliss. It was not really the food it was the ability to enjoy a moment with my husband. I am determined to find the moments of bliss in the next few months.

The pain has made being creative difficult. The pain meds make it hard to concentrate so I can blame any errors in this post on that most conveniently. I have tried to enjoy a book here and there. So what if I have to re-read parts. This will not be a productive period in my life and I have accepted that fact. This experience will make me stretch and grow in ways I would not choose, but will benefit from none the less. I will focus on the possibilities! Perhaps I will be truly pain free for the first time in 3 years. Maybe I will make a new friend or find a new strength.  Perhaps I will be forced to acknowledge a weakness.

The possibilities are endless! I knowing will be an adventure. I will share some or all of my journey here.


1 comment:

  1. Tara, this is such an exquisite post! How miraculous it is when someone recognizes those moments of bliss in spite of horrendous pain/difficulty. For you to be able to believe the possibilities are endless is an inspiration the world needs to see! Thank you, dear one, for sharing! You have made a difference in my life! You have my prayers for healing, and my gratitude for a beautiful reframe of your circumstances.