Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Fighting Or At Least Fighting Back Tears


The last few months have been a roller coaster. In case you missed it: I had my lower back fused, developed a blood clot, threw a pulmonary embolism and finally started to get my strength back. Then came yesterday. As I headed to the Dr for my 3 month check up, I knew something was wrong. My leg hurt. That special gift only a blood clot can give. My recovery was being thrown off course again. 

The Dr at the emergency room wanted to take some drastic measures because he fears I am at thigh risk for another pulmonary embolism.  He started making the calls to arrange surgery to place another filter in my chest to catch blood clots.  Then came the worse news- I cannot have another filter placed as it is simply to dangerous. Now I have a time bomb in my femoral vein. I am taking injections to thin my blood in the hope of stopping the clot from growing. This is a battle for my life. Will I dissolve the clot without another piece breaking off and heading to my lungs? Before I had the peace of mind and the safety of the filter. Not this time. Just me versus clot. 

I cannot decide if I am scared or angry. I need to be thankful. Tonight is the memorial service for one of my high school friends. He was struck and killed in a parking lot. His daughter was there and hit too. She was not badly hurt.  I am thankful to have known Paul. He had charisma, a smile that was blinding and a wit to match.  I am thankful I am alive to fight another day. 
I guess I will just hold on tight and take another turn on the roller coaster. I will try and be thankful I am here for the ride.