Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Fighting Or At Least Fighting Back Tears


The last few months have been a roller coaster. In case you missed it: I had my lower back fused, developed a blood clot, threw a pulmonary embolism and finally started to get my strength back. Then came yesterday. As I headed to the Dr for my 3 month check up, I knew something was wrong. My leg hurt. That special gift only a blood clot can give. My recovery was being thrown off course again. 

The Dr at the emergency room wanted to take some drastic measures because he fears I am at thigh risk for another pulmonary embolism.  He started making the calls to arrange surgery to place another filter in my chest to catch blood clots.  Then came the worse news- I cannot have another filter placed as it is simply to dangerous. Now I have a time bomb in my femoral vein. I am taking injections to thin my blood in the hope of stopping the clot from growing. This is a battle for my life. Will I dissolve the clot without another piece breaking off and heading to my lungs? Before I had the peace of mind and the safety of the filter. Not this time. Just me versus clot. 

I cannot decide if I am scared or angry. I need to be thankful. Tonight is the memorial service for one of my high school friends. He was struck and killed in a parking lot. His daughter was there and hit too. She was not badly hurt.  I am thankful to have known Paul. He had charisma, a smile that was blinding and a wit to match.  I am thankful I am alive to fight another day. 
I guess I will just hold on tight and take another turn on the roller coaster. I will try and be thankful I am here for the ride.  


  1. My prayers, thoughts, wishes for health and hugs are being sent your way. xoxo

  2. Sweet Tara, my prayers and positive healing thoughts will be with you through this scary road block in your recovery. Enough, yes enough already!
    Sending you a comforting hug of support.


  3. Oh Tara....I so wish I could take your pain, fear and uncertainty away. Believe God
    is good and I know at times it hard to have faith. Hopefully each day will get a little better! Hugs and Blessings Vickie